The ABC’s of Attachment: Part #2 – Secure Attachment

Have you ever met someone who just gets relationships? They don’t overthink texts, don’t freak out when plans change, and somehow make you feel completely at ease? Chances are, they have a secure attachment style.

So, what actually is ‘secure attachment’?

In simple terms, secure attachment means you’re comfortable with emotional closeness and independence. You trust people, communicate openly and don’t spend hours analysing whether someone is mad at you just because they replied to your text with ‘K.’ Our attachment style is shaped in childhood based on how caregivers responded to our needs. But if your early experiences weren’t ideal, don’t worry—attachment styles aren’t set in stone. They can change, and that’s where the fun begins!

What does secure attachment look like in relationships?

In romantic relationships, secure attachment means you can:

Express your feelings without fear of being ‘too much’

Trust your partner without feeling like you must constantly check in

Handle conflicts without spiralling into doom mode and enjoy time apart without assuming the relationship is over.

Sounds great, right? So, how do you get there?

How do we cultivate secure attachment?

The good news? You don’t have to be born with secure attachment to develop it.

Here are some practical steps to help:

Check Your Patterns: Notice how you react in relationships. Do you push people away? Cling too tightly? Overanalyse everything? Awareness is the first step.

Regulate Your Emotions: Learn to self-soothe instead of expecting others to fix your feelings. Deep breaths, journaling, a walk—whatever helps. Seeking emotional support is healthy, but relying on others to regulate all your emotions can create dependency. The goal is balance—knowing when to self-soothe and when to seek support.

Set Healthy Boundaries: Say what you need without guilt. Boundaries aren’t walls; they’re fences with gates you control.

Surround Yourself with Secure People: Being around emotionally healthy people helps rewire your brain for secure attachment.

Consider Therapy: If old wounds are holding you back, therapy can help untangle those patterns and build healthier ways of relating.

The Bottom Line

Secure attachment isn’t about being perfect—it’s about feeling safe, valued, and connected, whether you’re single, in a relationship, or navigating friendships. With some self-awareness and effort, you can rewire your attachment style and create stronger, healthier relationships.

If you are curious about how attachment affects your relationships, therapy can be a great space to explore and grow. Investing in your emotional well-being is one of the best things you can do — for yourself and your relationships.