The ABCs of Attachment: How Your Childhood Impacts Your Love Life

Have you ever wondered why you cling to some people, while pushing away others? Or why you struggle to connect emotionally with certain partners? The answer might lie in your attachment style – a concept that explains how we connect and bond with others.

From a young age, our relationships with our caregivers shape our attachment style and program us for our relationships later in life. Our attachment style begins to influence the way we see ourselves, others, and the world around us. It’s no wonder, the impact this can
have on our bond with our romantic partner, friends, and yes, even – our boss.

There are four main attachment styles: secure, anxious, dismissive, and fearful. A secure attachment style is the healthiest and involves being comfortable with emotional intimacy and forming close relationships easily. On the other hand, anxious attachment can involve
fear of abandonment and clinginess, while dismissive attachment can involve emotional distance and a desire for independence. Fearful attachment involves a mix of anxious and dismissive styles and can lead to trust issues and difficulty forming close relationships.

It’s important to understand your attachment style so you can work on creating healthier relationships. You can do this by reflecting on past relationships and patterns of behaviour. If you struggle with anxious attachment, it can be helpful to work on building self-esteem and seeking reassurance from within. For those with dismissive attachment, practicing vulnerability and being open to emotional intimacy can be beneficial. For those with fearful attachment, working on trust and communication can help.

Therapy can also be an excellent resource for exploring attachment patterns and developing strategies for improving emotional regulation and communication. By recognising and addressing attachment styles, individuals can improve their emotional well-being and form stronger, more meaningful relationships.

Jessie Tadros

Registered Psychologist

The Resilience Centre